I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
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