I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
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