I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
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