Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
