i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
