In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
