I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Randomize
