his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
