god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize
