Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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