Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize
