No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Randomize
