he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
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