I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
