Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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