Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Randomize
