Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
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