just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
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