I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
