He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
did i walk over a car last night?
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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