I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
