so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Randomize