i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize
