go do what you do best...puke behind churches
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
