capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I need a burrito and a hug.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
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