I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
I'm having to shit out rocks
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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