Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
