you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Randomize