we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Randomize
