Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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