you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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