Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize