happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
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