Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Randomize
