Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
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