Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
