I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
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