I want to have your abortion
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize
