Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Randomize
