we made out on top of his cat.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
