My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
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