Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize