When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I just gargled with NyQuil
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Randomize
