We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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