how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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