My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
