She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
