She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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