By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Randomize
