if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
