I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize