dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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