If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
