Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize