he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
She's the barista slut.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
