I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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