you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
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