She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
