If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
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