yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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