the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
i just wanna soil my oats bro
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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