i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
