I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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