On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
