I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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