see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
