new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
