so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
