I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
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