Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
