Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
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