So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Randomize
