I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
