Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize
