If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
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