Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
