this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
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