Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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