i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
