hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Just puked most of my soul out..
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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