When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize